HAWKS PULL OFF SHOCKING UPSET OF KINGS; STOLHAND MISSES IT
Oct 7, 2019 4:41:07 GMT -5
Simi Valley Kings, Vegas Aces Wild, and 1 more like this
Post by Asbjørn Nygård on Oct 7, 2019 4:41:07 GMT -5
HAWKS PULL OFF SHOCKING UPSET OF KINGS;
STOLHAND MISSES IT
STOLHAND MISSES IT
by Asbjørn Nygård
Simi Valley - The St. Roch Hawks started the 2019-20 season with a shocking road win against the perennially contending Simi Valley Kings after a dramatic last minute comeback but team owner and general manager Doug Stolhand reportedly missed it after throwing a tantrum before the game was over.
On Saturday night it appeared all was lost for St. Roch as they found themselves down 8-4 going into the final day of action. Stolhand was watching the game from his owners box and reportedly had a complete meltdown in private before taking it public. “He threw himself onto the ground and starting kicking his legs and shaking his fists like a baby. It was pathetic,” said Brian Sutherby, a pro scout that was at the game and who saw the meltdown firsthand. “At first we thought he was having a heart attack, had somehow walked through a huge spider-web or that he was being attacked by invisible bees but once we realized he was just pouting that his hockey team was losing…well, there’s no other way to describe it - it was pathetic.”
Onlookers were forced to listen to Stolhand pout about his team losing - and it bears repeating that the game was not over at this point - for upwards of 20 minutes before he was finally given a baby bottle filled with RC Cola and a pacifier which got him to mercifully shut the hell up. After he was silenced Stolhand left the facility entirely and was not there to see the comeback.
In the dying moments of the game rookie forward Roope Hintz scored two goals and goalie Thomas Greiss, making his Hawks debut, stopped 35 of the 36 shots he saw to turn deficits in goals, goals against average and save percentage into advantages which gave the Hawks a 7-5 win. Some of the St. Roch fans that made the trip to Simi Valley and who, unlike Stolhand, did not give up on their team celebrated the shocking upset with chants of “Hip hip, Roope!” as the Hawks mobbed Greiss in the visiting crease.
This is the first win over Simi Valley for St. Roch who had been winless against the Kings since relocating from Atlanta in the summer of 2017. The Hawks had gone 0-3-1 in their four matchups against the Kings in the last two years with a combined score of 31-17. “To finally beat this team, in their barn – and I mean that literally, this place houses livestock when it’s not being used as a hockey arena – that means a lot to the guys in that locker room,” said Hawks head coach Doug Weight. “I’m so proud of our guys for not giving up and for fighting through the entire matchup. I’m sure Mr. Stolhand is ecstatic and enjoyed this immensely.” When told that Stolhand acted like a petulant child before leaving before the match ended Weight raised his eyebrows then dropped his head and shook it before sighing deeply and saying, “No comment.”
The celebration by the Hawks spilled into the visiting locker room, which is normally where cows are held in confined cages before being shot in the head with a captive bolt gun to stun them before they are slaughtered, and in the middle of it all was longtime Hawk Brock Boeser. “As the only guy here that was a part of the Stockholm Syndrome, and the Atlanta Thrashers – this means a lot. I’ve seen a lot of losing with this franchise and I know how much Mr. Stolhand wants to win. This one was for him and I’m surprised he’s not already here celebrating with us.” When told that Stolhand had given up on his team before the game ended, had left the arena hours earlier and probably did not even know the Hawks had won Boeser fell silent for a while before finally saying, “Well…then this win was for us.”
At that point Weight stopped the celebration and asked the media to clear the locker room while he addressed the team. Because the visiting locker room in Simi Valley is nothing more than a modified slaughterhouse and the “room” is simply the cleanest part of the floor surrounded by temporary curtains, this reporter was still able to hear what Weight said to his team. Weight informed them that Stolhand would not be joining them because he was “a quitter who didn’t believe in them” and that the team should “not give a f*** what that fatalistic piece of s*** thinks – just go out there every day and every week and continue to prove him and every other doubter wrong!”
As of print it is not clear if Stolhand has yet learned of his teams victory. Reports have surfaced claiming that Stolhand went to a nearby BBQ restaurant with his wife and enjoyed a meal during the epic comeback and some say they saw Stolhand on the streets of Simi Valley talking on the phone with his father, who had called to congratulate him on the win before learning of his son’s unfathomable propensity for giving up on his own team at which point the elder Stolhand hung up in disgust, but this reporter could not confirm either report.
What’s known is this – after back-to-back 4-16-2 seasons the St. Roch Hawks started the 2019-20 season with a win in thrilling fashion and the offseason moves have thus far borne fruit as draft picks Roope Hintz and Eric Cernak, free agent acquisitions Blake Coleman and Alex Edler and trade acquisitions Peter Mrazek and Jake Gardiner all played key roles in the victory. Whenever Doug Stolhand finally learns of this victory he’s going to be ashamed of himself for giving up on his team and will no doubt vow to never let that happen again.
For the St. Roch players that battled hard for five full days, for the coaches that never gave up and put their players in a position to succeed and for the many Hawks fans that have supported this team through some horrible years and who stood by their team through the whole match this week this was no doubt a very sweet victory, indeed.
-30-